THINGS I BELIEVE

I believe in shaving my legs. I believe that most of the time when I try to combine textures that it doesn’t work. I believe that velvet is a hard material to pull off, but that that won’t stop me from trying. I believe that there is a fine line between taking care of yourself (moisturizer with sunscreen) and obsessing about taking care of yourself (face masks - come on, they really don’t matter and you can’t convince me that they do, they are just fun to wear and look in the mirror with and peel off if you have the peely off kind). I believe that hair, or lack thereof, is your most important accessory. I believe that people should pay more attention to the shape and color of their glasses (they are actually ON YOUR FACE and yes I can see them and the fact that they don’t go with your nose OR your shirt). I believe that, if at all possible, cars should match the house at which they park. I believe in changing purses often. I believe that I will eventually use all of the junk I have collected. I believe that being a passive aggressor hurts more than being a passive aggressee, although it is usually a two-way street and sometimes it does get you your way, you just don’t get to feel good about getting your way, so what’s the point? I believe that it is important to be liked, loved, and lusted after, and not necessarily in that order. I believe that a great sense of humor is a sign of the best kind of intelligence. I believe in jewish doctors. I believe that it is in fact possible to achieve world peace, but that everyone will have to listen to me and do exactly what I say in order to get there. I believe that it is impossible to be a capitalist and a humanist at the same time. I believe that no one has the right to decide who can or can’t set foot on any particular piece of dirt. I believe that life is too short to wear clothing that I don’t love or that doesn’t make me feel good. I believe that growing up without me is the worst thing that could happen to my kids. I believe that minivans are a secret weapon of the oil company designed to make men feel emasculated so that they will buy big gas guzzling trucks, SUVs and sports cars with uneconomical speed capabilities. I believe that making people feel guilty for throwing things away that could be recycled is ridiculous if we don’t first make corporations clean up their own pollution and mess. I believe that tolerance of violence is ruining the human race. I believe that people are basically good. I believe that consumerism is the other thing wrecking human beings. I believe that kids should learn to write in cursive even if they will never use it, or really paper at all, after 2015. I believe that music and art are at least as important as math. I believe that I’m usually right and people who disagree with me are usually wrong. I believe that I have a weird face. I believe that I would be happier if I were thinner. I believe that if celebrities want to be left alone, than they should decline the millions of dollars they get simply by virtue of being famous and choose a different life (it is possible to live quietly acting, singing or playing sports so that you can do what you love and still have a life, you just might not be rich and famous). I believe in spreading the wealth. I believe that most people believe they are entitled to things that they do not have, and that they are deluded about that. I believe that it sucks to get older. I believe in dressing boldly. I believe that I am mostly misunderstood, but that I could be wrong about that.